The Darkest Hour Is
by zoe han
Summary: After getting her memories back, Cordelia turns to Connor for comfort (C/C post "Spin the Bottle)


Title: The Darkest Hour Is  
Author: Zoe Han  
Disclaimer: angel and its characters belong to that creative genius joss whedon and mutant enemy  
Notes: ConCord - sick? Don't care.. I find it intriguing.  
Spoilers: takes place at the end of "Spin the Bottle" before "Rain of Fire"

  
Although a thousand thoughts and memories collided in her mind, Cordelia fixed her willpower on the most important objective at hand - to get away from The Hyperion, away from Angel. She trailed a hand against the wall of the corridor to guide and steady herself, haunted by that desperate look on Angel's face when he asked "Were we in love?" and the immediate hurt expression that followed her answer: "We _were_."   


She panicked, feeling the weight of secrets become almost too heavy to bear; the walls seemed to close in around her. Cordelia tore down the hall, trying to see through the tears that threatened to overflow. The sight of the stairs in the foyer brought her little comfort. She flew down the staircase, concentrating on the night air that would meet her on the other side of the doors, hoping it would carry away the things she knew.   


The breeze swept her outside The Hyperion but could offer her no powers of consolation. Exhausted, she could feel her legs starting to give way from under her. It had all been too much for one evening. 

She was halfway across The Hyperion's courtyard when Connor overtook her and brought her to a stop. He held her by her shoulders and silently searched her eyes for answers. She could bear it no longer, Cordelia collapsed against him in tears. It startled him to see her so vulnerable. He hugged her close, trying to think of something to say, but the words evaded him. He was too distracted partly by the earlier events of the evening, but mostly by the feel of her in his arms, and the scent of summer from her hair.  


"Connor?" she said softly, gently pulling away from him, "Let's go home."  


He was relieved to hear her say it and couldn't help smiling a little. He wiped away what was left of her tears and nodded before glancing at The Hyperion behind her. He could see his father watching them intently from an upper-story window. Thinking of how close Angel came to harming Cordelia, Connor glared a warning for the vampire to keep his distance. He put his arm around Cordelia, and together, they left the tumult of the evening behind them.

Cordelia curled up on the bed, glad to be back in their lofted sanctuary. She gathered a comforter around her, but despite her exhaustion, knew it was going to be a restless night.   


She glanced about the room, as if hoping to find a crevice in which she could escape from herself. Yet, her past was scattered everywhere in the form of pictures, clothing, mementos, more pictures.. _Well, it's not like all that film went to waste_, at that, she warmed a little, content that despite the impending apocalypse and her confused feelings towards Angel, she could still be a little conceited.  


Her gaze fell on Connor who was sitting on the window ledge keeping watch over the streets and alleys below and over her. Seeing him there reminded her of the first night she had spent with him, post-higher being, and it was how he spent most nights, guarding her, whether it was at his window post or lying beside her only half-asleep, ready to defend her in an instant. Their walk home had been a silent one, Cordelia trying to make sense of herself, and Connor unwilling to disturb her. However, from time to time, she reached for his hand in an effort to reassure him and comfort herself.  
He looked lonely silhouetted against the cityscape. Lonely - it was a word she didn't want to think of in the same context as him. She wanted to draw him away from that place, from the cold morning light that seemed to threaten to keep him from her.  


"Connor?"   


"Yeah?" he answered, alighting from the window ledge.   


"I-I'd just feel better if you were a little closer."  


He sat on the edge of the bed and with some hesitation, smoothed her hair. "Cordy, I wanted to ask you"  


"What is it?"   


He became reluctant, as if deciding to change his mind, but she touched his arm in an effort of encouragement.  


"Why did you come back with me? I mean, despite after what I did to _him_, the ocean and all"  


"Connor," Cordelia sat up and interrupted him, "You were wrong about doing all that, but it wasn't completely your fault. Holtz was the only father you knew, your vengeance, psychotic as it was, was still out of love. And to be honest, I know a little something about the therapist-issue sort of blind vengeance.. never goes well, and I learned something about forgiveness and trust last year. What you did was wrong, what Angel did, leaving you out on your own, alone, that was wrong. After all the two of us have lost, I think we need each other."  


To Cordelia, it seemed she and Connor were somehow supposed to be looking after each other. She had healed him of Quartoth, he had rescued her on various levels, and they had both lost so much while needing to come to terms with their lives.  


Connor hugged her, and she nestled herself against him. His warmth and the gentle beating of his heart lulled her into security. She wasn't completely sure what was ahead for her or the people she cared about, but she knew that at the moment she felt safe. Sleep washed over her as Connor pulled the covers around them both.  


He watched her drift to sleep and sighed to himself. Ever since she reappeared with amnesia, Connor had prepared himself for her abandonment when she regained her memories. He had grown accustomed to it by now, but knew Cordelia's leaving would hurt him the most. Yet, here she was, even though she knew what he had done, she had stayed. He didn't deserve her, he knew that, but neither did Angel.   


Connor made himself comfortable, carefully trying not to disturb Cordelia. She'd most likely wind up drooling on his shirt, but he didn't mind.  


He leaned over and brushed his lips against her face. _Thank you, Cordelia, for giving me chance, for not hating me_. He wanted to cry, but swallowed the urge, determined to be strong, for her. _My father can't be completely terrible if he loves you. But, I want to be the one to protect you_. As sunlight crept into the loft, Connor promised himself he'd keep Cordelia from harm, no matter what the cost.

end  



End file.
